


Trying to Hide

by orphan_account



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:21:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23706028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When Merlin fails to show up to work, Arthur is furious, but that all changes when he finds Merlin in tears.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 447
Collections: Merthur Glompfest 2020





	Trying to Hide

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [broken_fannibal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_fannibal/pseuds/broken_fannibal) in the [Merthur_Glompfest_2020](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Merthur_Glompfest_2020) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> (this can be merthur friendship or relationship, it doesn't really matter)
> 
> One night Arthur comes back to his chambers and finds Merlin crying. He's immediately worried and asks what has happened.  
> But Merlin refuses to tell him, he just apologises and wipes the tears away.  
> It takes Arthur a while and a lot of convincing for Merlin to tell him what happened. (could be stressful situations, something happening to his mother, that he couldn't protect someone, literally anything as long as it's angsty)  
> Arthur then helps him calm down and hugs him.

Arthur Pendragon was in a bad mood. This seemed to be obvious as everyone veered out of his way in the halls. Arthur just let them, eager to return to his chambers. Although if Merlin had decided to finally show up, he was going to have to throw a few goblets to show just how angry he really was. 

There wasn’t any one particular reason for his horrible mood. Things had been piling up for days, like all of the new recruits for knighthood failing to pass his test, Morgana pulling some ridiculous stunt to embarrass him in front of the visiting nobles, the pressure from his father… And then that morning, Merlin had failed to arrive in time to wake him. In fact, he’d never arrived at all. Arthur had woken up to the midmorning sun, late to an important council meeting with his father. All because Merlin hadn’t deigned to show up, which was, you know, his whole  _ job. _

Uther had been furious of course, although he waited until everyone was gone to scream in his ear about it. Arthur had happily fled when he’d finally been told to  _ ‘get out of his sight!’. _

Arthur threw the doors to his chambers open, not even wincing at the noise they made when they slammed into the wall.

“O-oh, Arthur, I d-didn’t hear you coming…” Merlin stuttered, quickly rising to his feet and pawing at his eyes. 

“Of  _ course _ you didn’t! Are you deaf as well as dumb? Did you really think you could just skip off of work-” Arthur froze mid-sentence, finally getting a good look at his manservant who was practically wilting beneath his glare. 

Merlin was  _ crying? _ Arthur’s bad mood evaporated into thin air, quickly replaced by concern. 

“I-I’m sorry, sire, won’t happen again,” Merlin promised before trying to quickly shuffle by him. Arthur stood there for a moment in confusion before finally returning to his senses and grabbing hold of Merlin’s wrist, effectively stopping him. 

“Merlin?”

“Please, sire, I’ll get to work right away, just let me go,” Merlin pleaded, avoiding looking up at him. Arthur swore he even heard the man  _ sniffle.  _ Since when did Merlin sniffle, let alone  _ cry _ in his chambers?

Arthur huffed. “I can’t believe you’re really all that upset about missing work this morning, or you’re more of a girl than I initially thought. Tell me, what’s really going on?” Arthur questioned, frowning as Merlin tried to tug himself free. 

“It’s nothing, sire,” Merlin tried, wiping at his eyes once more with his free hand. Arthur rolled his eyes. 

“It’s clearly not nothing. Come on, Merlin! Just tell me,” Arthur pleaded. He didn’t think he’d seen his manservant so upset since he’d come across Merlin crying over the dragonlord’s body. “Merlin…”

“Arthur,  _ please.” _

Merlin’s voice was so quiet, so desperately sad, that Arthur pulled away like he’d been burned. Before he had the chance to say anything else, Merlin was gone. 

Arthur spent the rest of his morning horribly confused. He played with explanations as to why Merlin had been so upset.

Could it be a girl? Had someone rejected him? Arthur didn’t  _ think _ so. The only girl Merlin ever seemed interested in was Morgana, especially after the year she’d been away. Merlin was always staring at her when she wasn’t looking. Even stranger, Morgana seemed to return the sentiment. She was always shooting him odd little looks. Whenever Arthur asked about it, both of them vehemently denied it. 

No, it definitely wasn’t a girl. Even if Morgana didn’t return his affection (which he was pretty sure she  _ did) _ , Morgana was too nice to hurt his feelings. 

Had something happened to Guinevere? She and Merlin were close, so he would certainly be upset if something had. Arthur didn’t think that was the answer, though. Admittedly he hadn’t seen Guinevere all morning but if something was wrong Arthur would’ve certainly heard about it. Besides, Merlin wouldn’t have been crying about it. He would have been out trying to help his friend. 

Was something wrong with his mother? That was a strong possibility. Merlin didn’t speak of Hunith often, but Arthur knew enough. He knew that she lived out in that small village all by herself, and that Merlin’s father wasn’t… around (and that certainly left a lot up to interpretation. Arthur would have to ask Merlin about that later.) Had the raiders come back? Was she ill?

Maybe Arthur should try and offer Merlin some time off the next time he saw him so that Merlin could go visit. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t think Merlin had been back to Ealdor since Arthur had gone to aid them all those years ago. 

Arthur’s ponderings were interrupted when he heard the doors to his chambers open and close softly. 

“Ah, Merlin, listen-”Arthur began, freezing when he recognized someone who was very much not-Merlin in his chambers. “Oh, Guinevere, hello. Where’s Merlin?”

Guinevere smiled softly, setting the tray with his lunch down on the table. “I think he’s polishing your armor right about now. He asked if I would deliver this in his stead. Why? Do you need him? I’m sure I can go and fetch him-”

“No, no, it’s quite alright. I’m sure he’ll be back sooner or later,” Arthur assured her. She nodded quickly before slipping out of the room. Arthur sighed, sitting down in front of his meal.

Guinevere was obviously unaware that anything was amiss. Did that mean that Merlin was feeling better? Usually Gwen was able to pick up on Merlin’s emotions, so it probably meant that it was nothing serious and that Arthur should just let it go. 

That didn’t sit right with him, though. Something was definitely wrong. He’d never seen Merlin so broken up about something, and the way his voice had sounded still haunted him. Arthur needed to make sure Merlin was alright. 

With his mind made up, he quickly scarfed down the lunch that Guinevere had brought him and exited his chambers. If Merlin was polishing his armor, it meant that Arthur needed to head down toward the armory. Arthur practically ran all the way down there, surprising himself. 

What had gotten into him? Was he really this worried about  _ Merlin? _

Yes. Yes, he was. 

“Merlin?” Arthur called into the room. Behind a rack of swords, something clattered against the floor followed by a string of curses. 

“Arthur? Did you need something?” Merlin finally replied, his voice still unsteady. Arthur rounded the corner to see him bending over to pick up Arthur’s chestplate from the floor. That must have been what he had dropped.

“I wanted to check on you,” Arthur answered, unsure of what to say. He’d never been very good at emotions, but he wanted to try. 

“I’m fine, Arthur,” Merlin shrugged him off, returning his attention to polishing the chestplate. 

“No, Merlin, you’re clearly not. I’m your friend, you know that, right? You can tell me things,” he tried to offer a smile, but Merlin’s expression told him he wasn’t doing a great job of it. “Listen, I won’t pressure you, but… I just wanted you to know,” Arthur shrugged before turning around, trying to leave Merlin alone just like he seemed to want. 

Just as he was about to pass under the doorway, Merlin cleared his throat. 

“It’s...it’s stupid, really.”

“I’m sure it’s not,” Arthur turned around, forcing the smile of relief down. The last thing he needed was for Merlin to think he was teasing him and bury all of his secret emotions, never to see the light of day again. 

“It’s my birthday,” Merlin began quietly. Arthur’s jaw dropped. 

“It… It is? Happy birthday, Merlin!” Arthur smiled, clapping his hand down on Merlin’s shoulder. 

“It’s my first birthday without my father,” Merlin continued, and Arthur’s smile immediately dropped off of his face.

“You told me you never knew your father, that he wasn’t around?”

“He isn’t-  _ wasn’t,” _ Merlin corrected hastily, and Arthur’s frown deepened. “He died, almost a year ago now,” he added, his voice so small that Arthur struggled to hear. 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Arthur said in reply, unsure of what else he was supposed to do. Arthur didn’t know if he should offer condolences, seeing as how he had no idea what Merlin actually thought of his father. 

“But, Merlin… you told me you never knew him. How is this your first birthday without him, then?”

“Just because he wasn’t there for my birthday didn’t mean he wasn’t out there somewhere. That always gave me comfort, you know. My mum always told me that he loved me, and that he would be there if he could,” Merlin smiled ruefully. 

“I… I met him, around the time everything happened with the dragon. We… We talked, and somehow my birthday came up, and he promised that he’d be there for this one, that he’d never miss one again, and then he  _ died!” _ Merlin shouted before breaking down into tears once more. 

“Oh, Merlin,” Arthur began, taking Merlin up into his arms. “I am so, so sorry…”

They stayed like that for awhile, Merlin crying as Arthur held him tightly. He didn’t ask anymore questions, and he doubted Merlin would’ve been able to answer anyway. Eventually Merlin’s breathing evened out and Arthur knew he had fallen asleep. He almost laughed at how strange it all was, but forced it down so he wouldn't wake Merlin. His horrible mood from that morning was long gone, he thought as he stared down as his friend. 

Carefully Arthur stood up, still cradling Merlin in his arms, and began to walk him to his own room in Gaius’ chambers. He didn’t even stir until Arthur placed Merlin down on his cot. 

“Arthur…? What…?” He grumbled as he was roused from his sleep before his cheeks went red, clearly remembering what had just happened. “Oh, I’m sorry, Arthur, I shouldn’t have done that-” Merlin began, immediately trying to get out of bed and head back to work.

“It’s alright, Merlin. You should get some rest. I’m giving you the rest of the day off so don’t you dare argue with me,” Arthur raised an eyebrow as he looked down at Merlin, as if actually daring him to argue. 

“Oh,” was all Merlin could say. “Th-thank you?”

“You’re welcome,” Arthur smirked. 

Later, when he sent a special meal up to Merlin’s and Gaius’ chambers, he imagined the smile that would most certainly be on Merlin’s face, and silently vowed to never let Merlin be upset on his birthday again. 

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed!! sorry it's so short but i've been surprisingly busy this quarantine


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